changing, updating, refreshing. growing up? finally? spontaneous, self arising, up from the soul, source, surging, cresting, unencumbered. it's not forced, not driven, not willed into being, but rather guided as it emerges, like creativity, coming unbidden, the muse speaks, but it's not a muse, what is it? athena, diane, truth becoming known, wisdom, age, childish things put away, and finally growing up. scary, but happy, glad and frightened, change? changing. acceptance of self, differences from yesterday, a week ago, and merging required, what's different, what to keep, what to understand, accept as the new me, which actively changing what was me. Seriously, scary. what was te cause, what predicated, what brought it forth? what dams were removed, what catalyst existed, had i come in contact with to cause the transformation? what is it? is it her? have I gone through the fire?