so i should be happy for my friends when good things happen to them, right? but i get angry, i get bitter, frustrated and more, why not me? what's wrong with me? i did things right, i didn't screw up, i didn't do her wrong. days go bye and the memory stays anger, bitterness, why not me? why am I so fucked up, why am i a dysfunctional social misfit, unable to even attempt to enter into another relationship, unable, not willing to be left open to hurt but i think about those first few times with a new significant other, unable to keep the hands in proper places, unable to keep my lips off her i remember those times, i see other people in the midst of those times, and i just keep thinking, why not me? shouldn't that be me? shouldn't it? but these things happen to well adjusted people, not loving boyfriends that get cheated on, not loyal significant others that get shit on for years, that get fucked up in the head. i blame her for everything, for my anger that i still carry with me, with the resentment of doing things wrong, of sticking around, of being her rock in her storm, i blame her for my inability to make things right, to not feel good about myself, but to make myself a well adjusted individual, to talk to women with a desire to get to know them better, to get phone numbers, to enter into meaningless relationships that make life enjoyable, that give memories to last lifetimes, to let life live and my world crashes down around me as people, friends, get together with people, friends, people i'd never thought would, but they do, and it works, and they're happy, and it pisses me off