guilt, by association, by denial of service, by nature not doing something that is supposed to be done, do this do that necessary in life, i don't know how she stood it, i didn't have to wait until my own children, i live it now, they = i, or long ago i, or what i once was and never shall be again, change, focus, what happens to people, to children when they grow up, when realization comes that life is that circle they always thought they could break, realizing that it is a circle brings a smile to my eye, because someday my children will end up like my parents, my children, keep saying my children, whose children? women on the sidelines, remembering what that was like, a long time ago next to a sheep farm, sitting there on the walkway of the bleachers, legs dangling sitting with others, i remember, and i cherish will that ever be again? seeing it this weekend, others with that luxury, with that gift, and probably that trojan horse, inconsequential consequences, anger, frustration, feelings of inadequecy, self preservation and determination, finish him, drowning the puppy must be done