so is this really it, can I say, no chance right now? can i say nothing but memories both good and bad? is that it? really it? so quick to say so to family and old friends, but to my heart and mind and soul, what is the answer? is it really over? yes. in the past, not in the present. how long it will take for me to actually believe that, is a different question entirely, but little steps, babay steps, that's all i need to take. and how come i'm the one that's supposed to provide the grandchildren, the one who's supposed to end up married, just like i'm so $, how do things work themselves out like that? what's so special about me?