expecting the worst, always surprised, when the bar is set so low, that it's so easy to hurdle, but, fear, inevitability, single lone headlight, whistle from afar, the gentle rumble on the train tracks, and it's coming. slowly and surely, it's coming. unsure, scared, afraid, yet resigned, accepted, foreshadow? to expect so much, to almost know the future before it even happens, to consider the possibility as history, the future as the past, looking beyond, the steps to take, the paths, the opportunities? the choices, hard or soft, and, holding out little hope for the lightning strike, the slim possibility, the balls bouncing, and restrictions removed, and horizons opened, worries lifted, but a whole new can of worms. tick tick tick.