not knowing, or getting information from third parties, through different vectors, through different channels, where the info hits blindsides, unexpected, at least from the direction from which it came, and suddenly, short of breath, staggering. even though such things are expected, and even rationally unexplainable, they still happen, it still occurs, even with no good reason, with no good excuse, and the heartstrings continue to tug, and the body keeps moving. and moving. bobbing and weaving, biding time, wanting in wait, pining, but such things, such things, unexpected.