shocked, it's really the only word to describe it, complete and utter desolation? is it really that bad? has it sunk that low? don't understand, don't, never mind, completely understand, eureka, flash of lightning, understanding, it makes sense now, a little, at least a little more sense, but the strength of the team was in defense, not in offense, and what did we do really well at this weekend? causing turnovers. we were good at it. we got it done. we made the other team give us the disc. we're a team of defenders. we are. there's no fighting what you are, essence, self determination, given a situation where offense will dominate, where it's offense that will actually win games given conditions, it's the offensive teams that won and that are going. and that makes sense. at least a little better sense. maybe now i can sleep a night through, and sleep in the morning, and let it go, maybe just a little, and move on.