what was once thought to be the carrot at the end of the stick, it really isn't that, it's less than that, there isn't a redemption, there isn't that glorious change, to becoming something you aren't, there's just more of the same, more of that glorious magic of love, that special sumpt'in sumpt'in something, just that thing, that happens, whatever it is, that isn't a skillset to be learned, it isn't a task to be completed, it's a gift, it's a present, it's something given and taken by someone that isn't me, and that lessens, what used to be a badge, a rallying cry, something to remember, like the alamo, or something else, that it could be done, but now, not anymore, for it's now just what it always was.