remembered thoughts, written and read, still understood but lost, not filed, just lost, amid others, formulas, equations, memory spaces and gaps, what i had thought, what i had believed, what i had held true to my heart, gauntlet, changed, forged by fires, fires, funeral pyres, deaths of ideals, of triumph of real, practicality, of what is, instead of what should, what was, instead of what could have, but these things drop, rotten fruit from the tree, close enough to fertilize for next season's harvest, to fall again, 12 months later, in the same spot, or maybe different, for more natural fertilization of the same tree to bear the same fruit, again.