security, security, make things more secure, these writings, not like others, others are better, writing to an audience, as a writer, not a journal, stopped being mine, stopped being that little black book. not as good, not as beautiful or touching, or sweet or thought provoking. canvas. blank sheet of paper europe '94 or was it '93. school bus trip to O'Hare, frisbee on the lawn. italy france, nice, and rome. pictures and memories of times long past. resigned to be alone. don't have to go chasing, don't have to track one down, don't have to find a ball and chain, don't have to do that. concentrate on things, focus, to a point, never mind the extraneous, never mind the archives, never mind the tekken, focus, self discipline, cleanliness is next to godliness, or goodliness, or not even that at all, more so pride and envy, haughty, above in the clouds that form my background.