forgetting the reasons, even the assumed reasons, forgetting to draw the lines across multiple data sets, but when you do, with the graph paper, and the tabulation, and it all adds up. it makes sense. And I wonder if the theory matches up with the reality, if the assumptions fit the truth, and even if the truth itself, the memories are rememberable, and of course, it doesn't matter. it's just the past. no fear of being repeated, or at least the hope of not repeating, it would not be pleasant if it did. but since i can't go back and find out, and how i wish i had figured it out sooner, or if i hadn't been so gullible, i could have saved, a lot. i could have figured it out sooner, before it got bad. i could have realized, and understood, and used the initiative, taken the first step, instead of the passivity, and waited for the inevitable, dragging it out. but again, all in the past, and nothing like that in my future.