you give everything to it, everything, a life, your life, your waking minutes, seconds, hours and days, every ounce of energy and strength, you spend time and effort, to do well, to love it, to enjoy it, to excel in it, and all that time, all that preparation, 4 years, maybe even longer, i've had nothing else, it was my lifeblood, my soul, the very key to my existence, it has been a good mistress to me, during long years, and now what happens, it turns on me, sends me home, wimpering, my tail between my legs, hobbling by, one ass cheek not quite right, there is work, there is play, and then there is ultimate, and with that gone, the void is large, but what could measure up in the meantime? what could possibly take the place of the world's greatest sport? i've had dreams, and wishes, of skills i wish i had, or developed, but i have ultimate now, and my body says no. and the body says no. the mind and spirit are ready willing and able, but the body says no. ultimate, what have i done to deserve this?